God wraps his arms around you when you least expect it

This post is part of my adventure series…click here to make sure you catch the whole series.

I have started writing this post three times so far this week! Maybe today will be the day it gets written 🙂

When I went away for my solitary retreat the other weekend I had an idea in my head about how I thought it might go and what I wanted to cover. But God had other ideas.

During the drive down to Jindabyne on Saturday morning I was feeling very stressed and agitated. My chest was tight. My head hurt. My mind was racing a million miles a minute and by the time I was two thirds there I was beginning to wonder exactly how productive the weekend was going to be if this was the state I was in.

When I checked into the chalet, I was still feeling more than a little cranky and I had pretty much decided that I wasn’t going to be able to get any thinking or writing done while I was so wound up. I figured I’d try to relax for the remainder of the day and get into things on Sunday morning. So I unpacked my gear and stacked the fridge with supplies and headed out for a walk. I didn’t even take my iPod, my head was too busy to even listen to music.

The resort has a network of sealed roads weaving through the grounds. Everything is beautifully signposted and it’s easy to see where you’re going and how long it’s going to take to get there. These roads were busy with walking couples and families and cars speeding by. These roads offered easy walking. But I didn’t want to be around people and feel like I had to smile and play nice. Lucky for me the resort also has a spiderweb of barely visible bush tracks that weave through the grounds. These are the tracks I decided to explore. They were difficult to navigate and in the early stages they were so hard to follow that I had to stop and think hard about which way to go. The tracks wandered through alpine fields and through stands of snow gums and through scrubby bushes by little creeks. Gorgeous scenery…but I  had no idea how long it was going to take me, I didn’t know if I was going to get messy, and to be honest, I didn’t care…I was out there to clear my head…if it took half an hour, GREAT…if it took two hours…GREAT..I didn’t care. And there was no way of knowing one way or the other anyway. I just knew I needed to walk.

As I walked I started to notice that even though I thought there wasn’t any way of knowing where I was going, there were markers along the way that were providing guidance. Some of them were little arrows on stakes in the ground that were easy to see. Some of them were the same little arrows that were hidden in clumps of grass. Some were wooden arrows hanging in trees that sort of wobbled as the wind blew, but still pointed generally in the right direction, and some of them were like the one in the photo…a big red arrow painted on the rock and completely unmistakable.

As I walked I realised that these little bush trails and the markers were an allegory for the adventure that I found myself on. I’m off the beaten trail, there are very few people on the same path, and I have no idea how long it will take me to get where I’m going. As I progress on my adventure there are (and will continue to be) markers along my path that are easy to see….there will be markers that are hidden in the weeds along the path that are only visible if you know what you are looking for, there are the signs that point the way, but are a bit wobbly, and finally there are the directions that are so firmly rooted in the Rock that they are unmistakable.

I would never have seen these markers had I stayed on the easy roads. I had to step away from the easy and the mainstream to follow what God has for me in the next little while. Both roads lead to the same endpoint, but only one path provides challenge and reliance on God-given direction.

At the point in my walk where I connected the dots and saw God’s confirmation of my adventure, my mind started to race even more. I was excited that God would meet me in my moment of chaos! My mind was racing in a whole new way, but as I walked I felt compelled to just stop. “Be still and know that I am God” was the only thing that occupied my thoughts.

I stood still. I quieted my mind. And I heard something that I was completely oblivious to before. I heard the sound of the river that was rushing over rocks beside me.  I know that sounds cheesy. And I hate cheesy. But the sense that God’s love was rushing over me and washing away the things that occupied my mind was overwhelming. It was a physical sensation of release and relaxation. I felt a warmth and a comfort that told me that I was completely on the right path. I felt as though I was in a warm embrace that said. I love you. You’re where I want you to be.

By the time I got back to the chalet I felt as though I had been on holiday for a week. I was blown away that God had chosen to meet me in my most chaotic moment. It was powerful and wonderful and affirming. My plans for my weekend were turned upside down in the most wonderful way. I’m right where I need to be right now.

Are you where God wants you to be?

Michelle

Worship with your eyes open when walking!

This post is part of my adventure series…click here to make sure you catch the whole series. Click on the photo to see more photos from my weekend away.

Just wanted to say thank you to those of you who were praying for me this past weekend.

My weekend was good. It was very relaxing but at the same time very challenging. I have a lot to work on! Most notably I learned that you can’t close your eyes when you worship while you’re walking LOL

Here’s a brain dump of what I came away with:

• I’m in the mess I’m in because of the decisions I’ve made…take responsibility for them and then take responsibility for recovering
• Don’t rush the restoration, “Be still and know that I am God”, it will be a gradual process…it won’t happen overnight. Rest and enjoy the adventure.
• Take a more conscious and intentional approach to a holistic life of faith, watch for subtle separation of spiritual and other stuff…It shouldn’t be separated…ever.
• Dream big
• Work at eliminating distractions

I also want to tell you about what I discovered about signposts and seeking direction…but that’s material for another post…or two. 🙂

Please continue to pray as I work through the rest of the Mad Church Disease book, and as I put my plans into action to make this stuff happen, and to heal.

Michelle

The fasting bit….

This post is part of my adventure series…click here to make sure you catch the whole series.

Throughout the ages men and women have fasted at times when they are wanting to spend some intense time with God and to make space in their minds to hear what He has to say to them. Usually it involves giving up something that is meaningful in their lives…like food, or activities, or whatever. I’ve never done a fast like this before, and I’ve been contemplating the value of it in my adventure and decided to jump in!

Tomorrow morning I head off on my weekend of solitude and I have decided to give up all social media and online connection…since I am completely addicted to it 🙂

So…that will include:

• phone
• text messaging
• email
• instant messaging
• Twitter
• blogging
• Internet surfing
• Facebook

I will be doing a complete disconnect (except for a couple of negotiated text messages to let my family know I’m OK each day 🙂 and for emergency purposes obviously ).  It’s going to be tough! I’ve never done it on purpose before! But that’s the point I guess. I’m intentionally tuning out the world and the things that distract me the most so that I can focus on God and his purpose for the weekend.

Air silence will begin when I leave on Saturday morning and end on Monday night.

Have you ever fasted for spiritual purposes? What did you give up? What were your experiences?

If you want to see all of the posts about my adventure click here.

What tools do I need to shove in my gear sack?

This post is part of my adventure series…click here to make sure you catch the whole series.

My husband thinks I’m completely nuts…but I love to look at what’s in people’s bags  ( There’s a whole Flickr group of people that do this). How do they organise it, why do they carry what they do…is it functional? Is it geeky or all Hello Kitty?  For an afternoon of voyeuristic fun, pop on over. It’s addictive!

Back to the point…

I need your help…obviously…I’ve never done one of these solo retreats before. I have no idea what to “pack” into my gear sack for the weekend away…physical or otherwise…

Here’s the background…

This weekend I am off for a solo retreat to the Lake Crackenback Resort...all by myself…no kids….no husband….I’ll be engaging in some serious leisure activities to refresh my physical body (it’s the beginning of the ski season at the very edge of the snow line, probably won’t ski, but it will be cooold! I imagine lots of walking…), as well as really digging deep to see what God is wanting for me during this restoration phase of my adventure to a healthy life and recovery from Mad Church Disease. For this part I envisage lots of writing as I process stuff…and I don’t think it will be your stereotypical girly type retreat..I think it is probably going to be more like a spiritual bootcamp!

Here’s what I want to know…what should I “pack”? What scriptures would be good to meditate on? What spiritual disciplines do you think might be helpful in this situation? Have you done a solo retreat? How did you prepare?  How did you approach it? Would you share your story to help me on my way?

What should I shove into my backpack for the ideal weekend retreat to meet with God? What would you pack?

Thanks

Michelle

If you want to see all of the posts about my adventure click here.

http://www.madchurchdisease.com/

Journey versus Adventure

This post is part of my adventure series…click here to make sure you catch the whole series.

I started out thinking about this thing that I’m doing as a “journey”. That’s what I’ve called it in my head and in my journal for months, but this week as I’ve been blogging about it and starting to think about it in more concrete terms, I’ve started to get excited and it’s feeling much more like an adventure than a journey.

I think that the words we use to talk to ourselves (and others) are really important. Words are important. Using the right words can make all the difference in our approach to the the things we do. Words can motivate us or they can give us a subconscious excuse to be lazy.

Here’s what the words Journey and Adventure remind me of…

Journey:

• passive
• waiting
• drifting
• airy fairy
• feminine
• old
• journey to death

Adventure:

• active
• energy
• purpose
• excitement
• forward
• direction
• exploring
• vibrant

The first picture above is how I think about a journey, the second one reminds me of a great adventure. I want a life of energy and excitement, not one of aimless drifting. 🙂

What do you think life with Jesus should be like? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

If you want to see all of the posts about my adventure click here.

Risk analysis

This post is part of my adventure series…click here to make sure you catch the whole series.

Asking myself all of these questions about who I am…and why I do what I do…and why I believe what I do…is a scary thing to do. More times than I can count, I have stared at the ceiling at three in the morning  wishing that I didn’t think as much as I do. Thinking perhaps that it would be easier all round if I shoved the stuff whizzing around in my head back under a rock and continued on to have a safe and quiet life that involved going to church on Sunday, working hard and enjoying my family.

But what am I afraid of? What are some of the things that I am likely to face and have to decide…will I fight or will I take flight? Here are some of the things that have the potential to derail my adventure if I choose to keep going:

• spiritual opposition
• people not understanding and thinking that I’ve lost the plot (I’m a recovering people pleaser)
• that I will lose friends
• that I might be asked to make sacrifices that will be too hard
• that I’ll be required to do something really difficult
• that I might take a wrong turn and end up at a dead end
• that my life may be transformed to the point where it’s almost unrecognisable.

So what could happen if I don’t take a risk and jump into this adventure and give it a red hot go?

• I would have a quiet, safe, controllable life
• I would miss out on fulfilling my life’s purpose
• I’d have to explain myself at the end of my days when I have to stand before my Creator and give account for my life.

Is it worth the risk to go on this adventure? If I am to have a victorious and exciting life following Jesus…I can’t afford not to go on the adventure set before me! I don’t want to be safe! Jesus wasn’t safe…he was a rebel, a stirrer, a risk taker! I MUST follow his lead! When I am faced with the things that frighten me I will need to keep my eyes on the goal and trust that I am on this adventure because God wants me there.

Over the past couple of months God has whispered in my ear over and over again…What I have planned for you is so much better than you can ever imagine! I have a pretty good imagination, so I’m excited at the possibilities!

What risks are you willing to take to do as God asks? Do you like to take risks? Or do you avoid taking risks at all costs? Have you taken any risks for God? Share your stories!

Michelle

If you want to see all of the posts about my adventure click here.

The realignment phase

This post is part of my adventure series…click here to make sure you catch the whole series.

This is the part where I need to make sure I am aligned with what God wants for my life. I want to strip my belief system right back to the fundamentals and make sure the “skeleton” is all aligned…sort of like taking a trip to the chiropractor I guess. In the same way that the skeleton is the foundation for keeping the rest of the body in shape, so my belief system is what keeps the intangible parts of my life in shape and on the right track. There’s no point hitting the gym to build up my “muscles” if my skeleton isn’t up to the task of supporting the extra stuff that I’m adding to it. I’ll end up hurting myself! 🙂

So…I’ll be asking myself all sorts of questions like these ones…

• Why do I believe what I believe?
• Why do I act the way I do as a follower of Jesus?
• What if the way I’m doing things isn’t the way God intended it to be? What if I’ve turned someone off God because I’m not living the way I’m supposed to?
• What if some of the things that I hold to as truth are just traditions and not really biblical truth?
• What if there’s something else I should be doing with my life that would be more effective in making God’s love real to people?
• How do I live with a Kingdom building focus?
• How am I supposed to understand the Bible? Do I have to go to Bible College before I’m ever going to understand the context it was meant in?
• Why does it hurt so much more when you’re hurt by a fellow follower than when you’re hurt by your regular everyday person?
• Why is there so much hypocrisy in the church and am I contributing to that in any way?
• Why isn’t my life that much different to my non-Jesus -following friends when I know it should be?
• How did I get to the point where I was too busy doing church that I didn’t have time to connect with people who needed to see God’s love lived out in action?
• Why is it so much easier to sit and be a “church person” than to get out there and make a difference for the Kingdom of God?
• What is the purpose of the church and why is there so much division, particularly between generations and even denominations? Why aren’t we working together to build the Kingdom instead of having turf wars?
• What is Christian community supposed to look like in modern times and in our western culture? It’s not like we can all live together and share everything like the first century believers did.
• How do I balance serving believers and fulfilling the command to go and make disciples?
• Why are Christians so intent on making sure the world knows what we hate and what we stand against rather than making sure people know that God loves them with no ifs, buts, or maybes?

My close friends think that I think too much…and that might be true in some cases 🙂 …but sometimes you just have to ask yourself the hard questions if you are going to grow and be effective!  Asking these kinds of questions doesn’t mean that I am questioning my faith. And it doesn’t mean that I am a heretic simply because I am choosing not to idolise tradition. I want to be a REAL follower of Jesus…not one that plays at it… and to do that I need to explore and question and strengthen my beliefs. I know people are going to think I’m losing my mind, but that’s OK. 🙂

You’d better believe that God is not going to crumble under close scrutiny…there may be some other things that will…but not God!

I think this phase of my adventure may well last the rest of my life!

Do you ever ask yourself questions like these ones? What sorts of questions do you ask?

Michelle

If you want to see all of the posts about my adventure click here.

The restoration phase

This post is part of my adventure series…click here to make sure you catch the whole series.

As far as I can tell at this stage of the adventure there will be at least two phases. I’m guessing that the phases will be somewhat parallel after the first little bit. The first phase is the restoration phase. Anne Jackson’s book  Mad Church Disease outlines four areas of a person’s life that need to be healthy in order to follow God and approach  this lifelong adventure in a sustainable way. They are:

• spiritual health;
• physical health;
• emotional health; and
• relational health.

When these four areas intersect, we find out sweet spot for sustainability. God built us as whole people whose whole lives are supposed to be dedicated to this grand expedition of following Him…we can’t just look after our spiritual health and neglect the other areas if we’re going to make it to the other end in one piece.

For me, I can’t get moving on this adventure until I address each of these areas, and I can tell you now that I’m in need of some serious work to get healthy.

So where do I start? I haven’t got a clue to be honest. Baby steps…obviously…too much all at once and I’ll get discouraged and crawl under a rock. One step at a time is the way to lasting health in each of these areas.

My first step will be a weekend of solitude, prayer, meditating on scripture, fasting and working through the examination steps in Anne’s book. My lovely family bought me a long weekend away by myself for Mother’s Day, so in a couple of weeks I’ll trek up to Jindabyne and take a long hard look at myself and see what needs to be dealt with in order to get healthy.

I am so excited to be on this adventure, and I want to know what God’s preparing me for, but I also know that I’m not ready yet.

How’s your overall health? Are you fit for the adventure you’re on? Have you been there, done that and bought the t-shirt? How did you start?

Michelle

If you want to see all of the posts about my adventure click here.

Metaphorical and literal winter!

This post is part of my adventure series…click here to make sure you catch the whole series.

To borrow the immortal words of William Shakespeare…..”now is the winter of my discontent.”

Six weeks ago I stepped down from a role that I loved doing. Even though, humanly speaking, I didn’t want to…I decided to step out of my role as  a worship director at my church after three and a half years for four reasons:

1. to preserve unity in the church;
2. to submit to my leaders;
3. to be obedient to God; and
4. to focus on my family – my primary ministry.

This has been one of the single most difficult and painful decisions of my life. I am the kind of person who loves to serve, I like to be active and to be doing something. It is difficult for me to not be serving in what I perceive to be an active way. But over the past couple of months God has been telling me through a variety of ways that it’s time for me to rest. To take a sabbatical. And I’m not going to lie to you. It’s a struggle. Of the 25 years I have been at my church, I have been a part of the music team for 20 years. And God has told me to REST. I am the kind of person who takes a week to unwind when we go on family holidays…and even then I have “stuff” to do.

To be honest, I guess at one level I got a lot of affirmation from being up front, and you certainly find out who your friends are when you stop attending church regularly and its for a reason other than you’re leaving town. Not one person has called or emailed (without wanting something else)…I have been at the church for 25 years. And yes, it hurts. I feel like an utter failure. It’s a lonely path.  I have followed God and done as I felt I was directed, but I am feeling alone in a human sense. And I  think that God is probably stripping things away that could be taken by my human brain to be attributed to my activity. I have to come to a place where anything that happens can only be through the power of God in my life.

But God is good. Slowly but surely over time He has been showing me that He wants to take me on a journey. I have a chronic case of Mad Church Disease and the next phase of my life is dedicated to healing. I am taking a complete sabbatical from the institutional church to do two things…the first is to go though a phase of restoration, and the second is to go through a phase of reaffirming my foundations. Both of these things are consistent with the biblical concept of the sabbatical, and I’ll be sharing my journey with you as I work though stuff.

When I say complete sabbatical, let me be very clear. I will not be participating in any regular scheduled church service activity. I will not be involved in music ministry, and I won’t be signing up for any other activity. I will be seeking a broader Kingdom view of the Church (sorry for the jargon, I will be blogging more about this in the year ahead) by exploring other arms of the body of Christ. I will not give up meeting with believers. I strongly believe in the value of the Church, but there needs to be a time of separation in order to gain perspective.

My next two posts will cover what I think will be involved in the restoration and reaffirming phases of my sabbatical. I also REALLY want to share with you what God is showing me about Biblical rest. I’ve been a follower of Jesus for 30 years and this is the first I am hearing of this?? Wow!

Now…where does the winter thing come into it? God has been speaking into my life through the guys at Swerve …they posted a series of articles a little while ago about the seasons of ministry. I am in the midst of a period of Winter. There might not be a  whole lot going on above the surface – the branches are barren and the ground is covered in smothering snow, but beneath the snowy ground the roots are straining and growing and forming a solid foundation for the explosion of growth when God decides it’s time for the Spring to come and the harvest to start.

I am currently so discontent with the status quo. I want to know what God has for me…what is there in my life that is just church tradition that has been passed down and absorbed, and what does God really want for me? I MUST know.

This is the winter of my discontent…I am going to find the answers to my questions. I am tired of being so busy doing church that I can’t be the Church. Will you pray for me on my journey? Will you step out and join me on my journey? Do you have any questions about why you believe the stuff you believe about God and the church?

Michelle

If you want to see all of the posts about my adventure click here.

Into Introversion #4 // What can God do with an Introvert?

The whole point of this series of posts about introversion has been to get to the point where I can share with you about what God has been doing in my life in this area in the past couple of years.

For a long time I struggled with a combination of shyness and introversion, brought about by a combination of family history and perhaps moving from a small country town to the city in my early adolescence (I’m sure the psychs would have something to say). Over the course of several years I got to the point where I avoided contact with people. I always made sure that I socialised with people I knew well, and I refused a lot of social invitations where I didn’t know many people.

All through school I had daily panic attacks about things as simple as walking into the classroom or buying food from the canteen. I experienced severe anxiety about the fellowship times at the end of church. I didn’t like talking to people I wasn’t close friends with. To be honest…I didn’t see the point, and I didn’t know why anyone would be vaguely interested in hearing about the minutiae of my life. And even as a teenager I felt as though there were something wrong with me because I didn’t enjoy these things the way I saw others seemingly thriving on this kind of interaction. I didn’t spend hours wandering the shopping malls or talking on the phone like I saw the teenagers on TV doing. What was wrong with me?

As a young mother it was even easier to avoid contact with people, after all I was busy with the kids (two boys in two years was hard work…a perfectly plausible excuse for isolation), but that was also the time when I started to look at the broader picture of what God might want in my life. I began to see God’s plan for reaching the world and I began to understand thatI needed to be in contact with people outside my normal circle so that God could work the way He wanted to. So I joined a mothers’ group in order to meet new people…which lead to a number of years of the most “out of my comfort zone” moments of my life. It was hard work! So many times I wanted to quit! But now, 11 years later, these women are some of my closest friends, and God has worked through their lives, and I’d like to think that God has used me in their lives too.

Over the years God has continued to work and change the way I relate to people, and the way I look after myself. I now feel comfortable up in front of people in a leadership role and in a public speaking role, I can even approach strangers and hold an extended conversation…that is a HUGE deal for me. It is a continual process though, and it takes ongoing awareness of both the advantages and the limitations of my introverted-ness (is that a real word?) so that i can get the support I need…here are some things I’ve learned over the years.

Six tips for being a Spirit-controlled introvert:

1.      Pray for self awareness. Ask God to show you when you are acting like an introvert, but would better serve your eternal purpose by engaging with people a little more.  We are only able to change something if we are aware of it. Introversion is one of those things that can really only be “managed” through the strength of the Holy Spirit, so if we know what we are doing, then we can ask for help. The Holy Spirit isn’t just going to barge in and take over…he waits to be invited into a willing participant’s daily activity.

2.       Be aware of God’s purpose for humans. Purpose is one of those funny things that lets us transcend our self-obsessed human state (be that as an isolated introvert or as an in-your-face extrovert). The absolutely astonishing thing about God is that he has chosen humans as his vehicle for letting people know that He is good and that He has a plan for their lives. Knowing that this is the reason we are on earth  is an amazing motivator.

3.       Another facet of that plan is that our role is to be carried out through relationships….which is why we, as introverts, can’t avoid people all the time. Serving God is costly…this is where the rubber hits the road for introverts. It is going to cost us to make sure we are engaging people in authentic relationships all the time, but the good news is that we have the Holy Spirit to give us strength and to restore us.

4.       Recognise that you are an introvert because that’s the way God wired you. He knows that you will have fewer relationships than your extroverted counterparts, but that these relationships will tend to be deeper and more intense. Don’t stress about it, it’s not a competition! Never ever compare yourself to anyone else….especially an extrovert! 🙂  Relax, be yourself and make yourself available for God work through you. You are, more likely than not, the only one who is going to be able to meet that shy person in the corner where they’re at, and help them to be relaxed about who they’re wired to be.

5.       Pray for sensitivity to the needs of others, particularly your family – this is particularly important for husbands and wives.

6.       Make sure you take time out to recover and rest in God’s presence.  Don’t take the being with people thing to the extreme. You won’t be able to engage well with people if  you don’t take time to look after yourself.

The key to being a Spirit-controlled introvert is your willingness. If you are willing to be moulded and developed and grown by the influence of the Holy Spirit, then God will do amazing things through your life.

Share your story! How has God helped you cope as an introvert in an extrovert dominated world?

Michelle

Related posts:

The post that started it all

Into Introversion #1 // Do you know an introvert?

Into Introversion #2 // Introvert…Extrovert…Shy?

Into Introversion #3 //  Can Introverts and Extroverts Coexist?

Into Introversion #4 // What God can do with an Introvert?

Into Introversion #5 // Churches and Introverts